I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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