I wanna passion pit in your ass
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
it's like iHOP with fire
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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