i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize