every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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