I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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