He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
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that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
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I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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