I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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