Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize