Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Randomize