hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
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