see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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