I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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