obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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