I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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