Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
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