who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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