u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize