Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
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the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
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i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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