My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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