So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
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I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
i've created a new STD.
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He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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