I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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