I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize