tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
the day after is always just damage control
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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