i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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