You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
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Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
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My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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