Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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