The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
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There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
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Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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