I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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