is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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