Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
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