She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize