So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize