he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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