1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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