HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Randomize