You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
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So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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