I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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