I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize