We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
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