Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
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