i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
This toilet bowl is my home.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize