im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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