I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
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There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
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Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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