so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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