Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
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Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
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She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
We need to get me chipped asap
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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