Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
i think my cat just said my name.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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