I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize