you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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