she woke up with a sticky ear
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
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We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
He shit in the fireplace
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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