wanna go halves on a baby?
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Is it because I queefed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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